UNcommon Sense: Parenting

As a child growing up in Marlow, I didn’t always fully understand my parent’s expectations. It wasn’t because I hadn’t heard them enough. Even now at fifty-three years old, I can still hear many of them in my head. “If something is worth doing, it is worth doing right,” my dad would say. I sort of understand what he meant, but I also noticed it was him telling me the things to do.

It wasn’t like I woke up and chose to mow the lawn or rake leaves. So when I would question if those things really needed to be done and have the courage to ask “why”, he would follow up with one of my all time favorites: “Because I am your dad and I said so”. It took becoming a dad myself to fully understand that answer. My parents wanted me to show respect to their authority as my parents, so if they asked me to do something, I should do it.

If you grew up in my generation, you probably get a little frustrated with how the family dynamic seems to be changing. It is not unusual to see in public children talk back to their parents and even openly disobey them. I know it is hard for me to witness this kind of interaction. Yet, I have to remind myself, parenting, at best, is often messy. Also it’s important to remind myself I am only seeing a snapshot in time of any family dynamic. It is easy for us to see these types of family interactions and make judgments.

The reality is, parenting is hard. What is at stake is too important to let the fact it is hard get in the way of doing our best by kids. All parents, myself included, need the support of others to navigate the parenting process. Many outside the child’s home can play an important role. Grandparents, neighbors, family friends, and a local church can all walk alongside parents and make an important investment on a child. Yes, even the school has a role to play apart from just teaching the child to read and write.

There is an African proverb which says it takes many people to provide a safe, healthy environment for children, where children are given the security they need to develop and

flourish. The goal of this effort by the “village” is help children realize their hopes and dreams. Often times, those of us in the village choose to not get involved. We don’t offer guidance and support to parents as they face adversity and challenges. Instead, we make the easy choice. We watch parents interact with their children and draw conclusions about whether we think they are doing it right. It is quite another thing to walk along with a parent and be that system of support we all needed raising our children. If something is worth doing, it IS worth doing right.

As older members of this wonderful community, the wisdom of our experiences does the next generation of parents no good if all it ever leads to is our judgments.

Corey Holland is Superintendent of Marlow Public School District